Thank YOU

A lot of people made this road trip possible. And I think some thanks are in order:

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Knox, you were a gracious host and an unorthodox tour guide. Thanks for letting us stay in your apartment. I will never look at D.C. the same way.

Celeste, thank you for showing us the sites. We'll have to squeeze T.J. in next time. Who knew you could eat a delicious meal in a bookstore (I think it was raining). If you're reading this, then you already know: when I come down again, I'll be at the Channel Inn.

SHERIDAN (Ark.) -- I want to thank the Shannons (Arkansas chapter)--Joe, Linda and Jim (left)--for your hospitality in the South. Jim, you know your Ark. I think you'd make a good firefighter. And say "Hi" to Chuck for me.

MESA (Ariz.) -- Thank you, Penny, for opening your house to two people you've never met before. Granted we had a good reference, but it takes a little extra to be that nice to perfect strangers.

GRAND CANYON (Ariz.) -- Tow Truck Driver Joe, you are a lifesaver. Your expertise got me out of a bind.

TORRANCE (Calif.) -- Jon, thanks for showing us Hermosa Beach. I hope that gigantic Aerobed in front of the door didn't make you late for work, getting around that monstrosity the next morning.

SANTA MONICA (Calif.) -- Bill, thanks for buying some time away from work. It was good to catch up. I don't want to jinx any of your projects, but you seem to know your script.

CROSSCOUNTRY -- We couldn't have done it without you, Suzy Subaru. You didn't breakdown once or get a flat. And don't worry, I won't call you Suze.

Will.i.Phone, you were a trusted friend and confidant in many questionable situations.

And, Katie. I think we made a good team. You are a talented filmmaker and I know you'll claim your stake in L.A. or wherever you see fit. And remember: we'll always have TuCKson.


(Please note the gypsy bartender we met in Little Rock, who snuck into the upper left corner of this picture. He was a sly one.)


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The mile-high club

FLIGHT VX364 (35,000 feet above the U.S.) -- I flew nonstop from L.A. to Boston via Virgin America airlines. It took about six hours.

The price was right: $99 for a one-way flight (plus $15 to check a bag).

The headrest TV in back of the row before me made the flight "fly" by. Several features of this free service:

1. Watch channels like CNN (live), TBS and MSNBC. Virgin offers other channels at a premium. I couldn't get MTV; that might have been a pay station.

2. Play video games with the detachable right armrest controller. One piece of advice, Virgin America: for the games that require only the onscreen interface, please make the screen more sensitive. I may have given the woman in front of me whiplash for the few hammering screen attempts in an intense game of Anagrammarama (Virgin's version of TextTwist).

3. Keep on top of flight status with Google maps. For those anxious fliers, Google updates remaining time, distance and the GPS locates the Airbus A320 over these states.

4. Watch pay-per-view movies for like $8. Virgin had a decent selection.


Passengers can also order food through the headrest TV interface. The menu pictures looked quite tasty, but flying killed my appetite. I sat tight till touchdown.

We landed on time and Virgin didn't lose my bag. My first breath of Boston air filled my lungs and calmed my soul. I'm home.


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Friday

HOLLYWOOD (Calif.) -- I finally met some famous people. We saw Batman, the Joker, like three Spidermans, Freddy Kruger and Jason tried to machete me. Good thing it wasn't Friday the 13th.

I'm talking, of course, about the (in)famous Hollywood Boulevard Walk of Fame. We rode the L.A. Metro to get there. Yes, L.A. has a subway system. And then we decided to hoof it over to West Hollywood.

We stumbled across L.A. Ink on La Brea Avenue--Kat Von D.'s tattoo shop and TLC show. No Kat, but Corey Miller was working the needle while TLC filmed an episode. Sorry, no parlor pics here; TLC wouldn't allow photography while they were filming. I was tempted to get tatted, but the wait might have ate up my last L.A. day. So we moved on.

The classy blues/rock bar Baby Blue's BBQ on Santa Monica Boulevard offered happy hour from 1 p.m. - 8 p.m. $3 premium drafts for seven hours? Yes please. We didn't stay that long, but I did get flipped off by Johnny Cash (left). I too have been everywhere, John.

We're keeping it low key in L.A. tonight. I have to fly out of LAX early in the a.m.


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L.A. day: 2-3

BURBANK (Calif.) -- L.A. traffic is ANNOYING. We haven't done much yet because it takes FOR-EV-ERR to get places.

We went to Universal City (the Universal Studios complex in the middle of Burbank) to see a movie. I don't recommend this theater; you have to pay for parking.

The whole complex reeks of capitalism. I couldn't walk five feet in any direction without spending money somewhere. And when I tried to leave, I ran into King Kong.

We hopped on the 405 down to Santa Monica today to visit my buddy Bill. He's working on a few writing projects, but that's all I can say about that. I don't want to leak his ideas to anybody out there. I'm pretty sure that's how Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Observe and Report (two movies about mall security) came out at the same time.

Tomorrow's my last day in L.A. I just want to see one famous person. Ideally, I run into Conan O'Brien before he takes The Tonight Show throne or [insert hot actress here], but I'll settle for like the "O" face guy from Office Space.


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L.A. day: 1

LOS ANGELES (Calif.) -- We made it. My first order of business: get some In-N-Out Burger.

Katie's place is on Barham Boulevard in Burbank. I found an In-N-Out Burger on the nearby Cahuenga Boulevard (L.A. loves boulevards).

The name itself is a bit ironic. When comparing to Burger King or McDonald's, I most certainly wasn't "in and out." But the food was worth the wait.

First of all, they use fresh potatoes to make the fries. I saw one guy boiling a bunch of peeled potatoes to be diced into delicious french fries.

The burger tasted good. I'm not going to sit here and say it was the best I've ever had. It wasn't. But I could tell they used fresh ingredients (as with the fries). The meat was cooked to order (not prepackaged). And they used some kind of special sauce to zest things up a bit.

Aside from the shakes, I've mentioned everything on the In-N-Out menu. They've focused their efforts on mastering one meal: burgers and fries.

But that's good. And I'm confident that when I get another burger here, it'll be as simple as in and out.


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Almost there

TORRANCE (Calif.) -- We stayed south of L.A. in Torrance last night. Katie can't move in till this afternoon.

We eased into the California scene with a short trip down to Hermosa Beach (about six miles from Torrance). I most certainly caught a chill vibe while strolling along the two-lane walkway. These laid back Californians seem to move at a slower pace.

And all this relaxation inspired a bit of reflection in my road trip companion. She said she's learned a few things while trekking across America:

1. Cracker Barrel and Subway dominate the South; Dunkin' Donuts: not so much.

2. I don't care how intelligent you are, a southern accent makes you sound dumber. [please send mail: c/o Katie Shannon, Emerson satellite campus, Los Angeles, CA]

3. Arkansas is actually a great state (I’m being serious).

4. The Grand Canyon is one the most amazing things that I have ever seen.

5. I realized that I have songs like "Rump Shaker," the "Thong Song," and "Jump on It" on my iPod.

6. DelRossi does not like listening to N’Sync.

7. Black people throw the best retirement parties and I can keep up on the dance floor (at least in my head I did).

8. Irish Pubs are everywhere in this country.

9. Lesbian oil wrestling doesn’t just exist on the L Word.

10. The iPhone is the best thing ever invented.

11. A very gay lesbian and a straight guy can travel across the country, spend 12 days with each other, and still like each other.


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Grand Canyon: great

GRAND CANYON (Ariz.) -- Note to self: Don't lock the keys in the car at the Grand Canyon.

Had the excitement of seeing one of the seven natural wonders of the world distracted me? Was not enough oxygen traveling to my brain at this heightened elevation? Or was I just more concerned about bringing my camera (iPhone) instead of taking the keys out of the ignition?

To add insult to injury, a thunderstorm was approaching. That's right. When I go to the Grand Canyon in Arizona (the South Rim averages 0.66 precipitate inches in May) it rains. They had had a drought in April and this was nature's way of making up for it--we could see the charred remains of trees where forest fires had sprung up along the road.

Thunderstorms are especially dangerous in such a sparse landscape. If lightning strikes and you hear thunder within 30 seconds from the strike, run for cover. Get into a building (not that many in the Grand Canyon). Get into your car with the windows up. And if you're hiking, stand by trees that are surrounded by larger trees. I love how the brochure said that last resort wasn't full-proof. But at that point you're looking for least likely lightning strike scenarios. And if you feel the hair on the back of your neck standing up as static crackles in your area, an electrical charge is building up. See ya lata.

But I didn't panic. I got the park ranger to radio down to dispatch, who contacted the garage roughly 25 miles away. Joe the truck driver made it up to our lookout point within 40.

With surgeon-like precision, Joe pried his way into the Forester. He stuck a sphygmomanometer like contraption inside the crack of the passenger's side window pane. He inflated the wedged bag until he had about an inch of space to fish a long bendable metal rod into the inside car door panel. From there he latched the curved end of rod onto the lock handle and unlocked the door. Joe, you're a lifesaver.

And it only cost me $140 (sarcasm). I think Joe has set a good living for himself on the Grand Canyon; he said I was his 12th customer that day.

Look at Katie pondering our predicament as we both realized neither of us had the car keys.

I've uploaded about a billion more Grand Canyon pics to facebook. Again, they're pretty touristy. I wanted to get one of me hanging over the edge or from a cliff-side tree, but the risks totally outweighed the benefits. Maybe if my name was Travis Pastrana.

We're at the Travelodge in Kingman, Ariz., 300 miles and some change from the City of Angels. We'll be in L.A. by tonight.
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